beyoncespenis:

a life changing 22 seconds

THATSL WAS SO GOOD

heckacute:

I don’t want you to kill yourself. I want you to grill yourself. I want you to grill yourself a cheese sandwich. They are incredible. 

Do you put butter on your waffles/pancakes/whores before you put syrup on them? Also, happy Resurrection Day!

heckacute is the only news source I listen to. I haven’t gone outside in years.

heckacute:

"They honked my meat bulb" is another way of saying that somebody squeezed your nose. 

heckacute:

Yeah, I’ve got an onion booty. It’s a spring onion booty. A “scallion booty” if you will. It’s a long, green tube. 

http://heckacute.tumblr.com/post/82729111592/its-not-my-fault-i-have-naturally-slippery-butt

heckacute:

"It’s not my fault. I have naturally slippery butt cheeks," she said. She was having an argument with a gentleman who looked like he could have either been her brother or her boyfriend. I wanted to stop walking and listen to the rest of their conversation, but I’m not rude. I continued on my way….

http://heckacute.tumblr.com/post/82741003415/if-you-really-like-somebody-let-them-know-by

heckacute:

If you really like somebody, let them know by having a pizza delivered to their home. They won’t be there so the delivery driver will just leave the pizza in front of their door per your instructions. Giant birds will smell the delicious pie and will attack the box with terrifying ferocity. The…